Elevator Rules

Are there elevator rules? Should there be elevator rules? I’m gonna hazard a guess and say no elevator rules exist and although you would think it common sense, it looks like we need elevator rules. So in no particular order, here are the ones I think we need the most. If you have any others feel free to post them.

1) Wait until everybody in the elevator gets off until you get in. Seems simple. But you would not believe how many people want to get on before the elevator is clear. One of these days I’m, gonna lock my shoulder and that lady who never looks when she enters as soon as the doors start to open is gonna bounce off it.

2) When waiting for an elevator, gather on one side. There is nothing more annoying than getting to your floor and finding you can’t get off because everybody is crowded around and there is nowhere for you to go.

2b) If you are in the middle of a conversation and an elevator comes. You have two options either STFU and get on the elevator, or say “sorry I’ll take the next one” to the people in the elevator. Standing in the doorway holding the door open and continuing your conversation is not an option.

3)It’s a nice thought, but if you are going to hold the door open for people to get off the elevator, get out of the elevator stand close to the wall and reach to hold the door. This way people can actually get off. Holding the door open, but then blocking the exit is counter-productive.

4) If you are getting off an elevator and there are a group of people waiting to the left, then exit to the right dammit, you’re not moses and people aren’t gonna part like the red sea!

5) Get on the elevator, press the button and move to the back. Don’t stand right up against the buttons so that someone has to grope you to push their floor button.

6) If the light to call the elevator is lit or if your floor button is lit, you don’t need to push the button again. Contrary to popular belief it isn’t going to make the elevator go any faster.

7) If you are a smoker, find and take the freight elevator. No freight elevator? take the stairs. You stink like shit, and most of you look like you have been beaten with an ugly stick. it’s gross. Think about quitting. Seriously.

8 ) Move Dammit. Get on the elevator and move so that other people can get on. It amazes me how many people get on and stop so that people have to twist and contort to get around them. You need to get off at the next floor, wait till everyone else in on then say excuse me and move closer to the doors.

9) Speaking of getting off at the next floor. If you work in a building and have to go from floor to floor quite often, don’t take the elevator for anything less than 3 floors unless you are carrying a heavy load, have a cart, etc. Take the stairs! And if you take the elevator to get one floor up or down when stairs are available you might as well be wearing a sandwich board that says ” I’m fat and lazy”

Follow these rules and elevator experience will be much better for everyone.

On second thought, screw it……I’ll stick with 8 flights of stairs.

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4 thoughts on “Elevator Rules

  1. “Wait until the elevator gets off until you get in.”

    LOL, I am not sure I want to get into an elevator that has just gotten off. Might be a little sticky.

  2. Love #7 rule… add people (male and female) who insist on marinading themselves in chemically laced perfumes please take the stairs – you STINK, sometimes worse than the smokers!

  3. I would be much obliged if those who SHOULD be using Head N’ Shoulders (but don’t) could kindly take a moment to brush the goddamnfrackingbejezuzing dandruff from their shoulders before brushing up against me in the elevator. Oh, and maybe take a Q-tip and clean the ol’ ears before going out in public? I’m short, and have to look IN YOUR EARS when riding in the elevator. Big hunks of orange wax? Make me retch and throw up in my mouth.

    Covering of unsightly moles would also bode well.

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